Sex & Relationships

Woman breaks down how she reveals she’s not skinny to dates

A woman has revealed the pervasive thoughts she has, and the wild steps she takes to counteract them, ahead of a first date.

Jordy, from the United States, took to social media to reveal she takes numerous steps to prepare a potential suitor that she isn’t thin — and her comment section was flooded with a heartbreaking amount of other women revealing they do the same.

“‘Does he know I’m not skinny?’ Who else feels like this question alone takes away the excitement when it comes to dating?” Jordy asked her TikTok followers in a clip that has been seen close to a million times.

“Because for me, it does.”

Jordy has to tell men she’s not skinny before they go on dates. Instagram/@jordbots
“It takes away the excitement because instead of initially matching with someone thinking they’re cute, liking talking to them and focusing on that, I am instead focusing on my appearance,” she said. Instagram/@jordbots

Jordy said the most common way for single people to meet these days was through dating apps such as Tinder, Hinge and Bumble.

She said when she met someone in person, the question about her figure didn’t even cross her mind — but when she met someone online, it played on a loop.

“It takes away the excitement because instead of initially matching with someone thinking they’re cute, liking talking to them and focusing on that, I am instead focusing on my appearance,” she said.

She said she has full-body photos on her dating profiles and insists on adding the potential suitor on a social media app such as Instagram or Snapchat.

“And still the question lives rent free in my brain,” she said, adding to the point she didn’t even want to go on a date with the person in case she faced rejection based on her body.

Jordy said she knew some people said it straight up but she felt announcing that she wan’t skinny was playing into her insecurity, and she liked to come off as confident as possible.

She said she played into her insecurities by worrying about her dates. Instagram/@jordbots

She said she just wanted her dating experience to be like everyone else’s without this thought infiltrating her mind.

But she wanted to reassure her followers that if they thought like Jordy, they weren’t alone.

And, it turns out she was right. Many women flooded the comment section with their own experiences of dating and their body weight.

“No cause even with full body pics I’m still worried about if the angle is making me look skinnier,” one said.

One said her car broke down on the way to a date and her suitor stopped to help her, but claimed he’d left something in his car.

“Left me on side of highway and texted me 5 mins later saying I was fatter then he thought and good luck. Now I will forever have this fear,” she revealed.

Another revealed she went on a date with a plan and they planned to meet up again but, when things became sexual and her clothes came off the man said: “‘You didn’t tell me you were a big girl so I’m not sure if I can do this’. Fair enough BUT WE ON A DATE! Like HOW did you not know???”

“I’m still traumatised by a date probably 15 years ago where a guy literally told me he thought I was skinnier,” another social media user revealed.

“Same girl. I’m not even nervous for the actual date but just for the reaction towards my body,” another said.

Jordy says she just wants her dating experience to be the same as everyone else’s. Instagram/@jordbots

If you’ve never experienced life in a larger body you may think Jordy is over-hyping her concerns but the reality is Jordy isn’t the only one who thinks like this.

Helen Bird, education services manager at the Butterfly Foundation, said: “We understand that many people may fear judgement or rejection based on their body size and may feel pressure disclose their body size before meeting someone on a date in an effort to manage the other person’s expectations.

“Weight stigma is very real in our society, resulting from unrealistic societal beauty standards that equate thinness with attractiveness and worth. We need to shift our culture to one that is more accepting and actual celebrates and welcomes diversity.”

The Butterfly Foundation collated a collection of tips for people entering the dating game but having anxiety over their appearance.

“Your value as a person is not determined by your body size or appearance. Attractiveness goes far beyond the physical and encompasses things like humour, kindness, empathy, intellect, passion, ambition, emotional intelligence and authenticity,” one of the tips urged, as well as reminding people to be kind and compassionate as everyone has insecurities.

It advised people to be authentic in their dating profile and avoid the temptation to edit their photos, as well as remind people they were under no obligation to divulge their weight.

“If you are accepting of your own body it sends a powerful message to those around you and can help them feel comfortable too. It’s a ripple effect,” another tip said.

For anyone experiencing a hard time they are urged to seek support from the Butterfly Foundation.

Dating expert Samantha Jayne also said this kind of negative thought pattern would breed awful answers.

“Instead, ask yourself better questions. If you’re feeling self doubt or self conscious focus on the things you appreciate about yourself, proud of and what you commit to. For example; ‘what do I appreciate about myself? What am I proud of? What do I commit to’,” Samantha said.

“See how different those questions feel.”

She said being transparent on dating apps was important and people like Jordy should focus on what type of person they wanted to meet, rather than if someone would judge them.

“All it takes is one,” she said.

“Online dating is problematic when someone is catfishing with filters and old photos. If you keep it real you’ll boost your success with attracting the right person.

“You may or may not get more or less matches but who you match with will be closer to what you want. There are a mix of incredible people online and of course jerks. This is no different to being in a crowded room. Focus on finding the good people that lift you up.”

Samantha said that when it comes to online dating, you should be proud to put yourself out there. She encouraged people to raise their standards and focus on their strengths.

“If you do meet someone who criticises you then be glad you see who they are early on before you get emotionally invested in them, and just like you would get away from a bad smell. get away from bad energy,” Samantha said.

“You are beautiful as you are, you have a lot to offer and one day someone amazing will find you and hold you in their arms and you will bring out the best in each other. Until then, keep searching.”