Happy wife, happy life!
Raise a glass to your ride or die, your main piece and your better half, National Wife Appreciation Day is September 18. Celebrated each year on the third Sunday of September, National Wife Appreciation Day honors the women that hold it down and lift us up.
In truth, we should all be appreciating each other a little more fully and a lot more regularly.
In 1971, the essay/feminist manifesto “I Want A Wife,” appeared in New York Magazine and became an instant and enduring classic. In it, Judy Brady Syfers, a disenchanted San Fransisco homemaker turned political activist rhapsodizes on the benefits and abject inequality of having a wife to meet your whims, do your bidding, iron your socks, clean your house, warm your bed, and forgive your trespasses.
At points sarcastic, hilarious, heartbreaking and rage inducing, “I Want a Wife” became a rallying cry for housewives sick of the lack of respect and reciprocity in their relationships and the lout husbands that took them for granted. Four decades on, marriage has become an equal right in the United States and hopefully, more equitable between partners.
In honor of National Wife Appreciation Day and the subversive genius of Judy Brady Syfers, we’re taking a look at wifedom through the zodiac signs and the vibes of celebrity spouses that embody them. Read on to learn more.
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
Aries is ruled by Mars, the planet of will named for the god of war. As such, an Aries might marry on impulse but in the long run this is a wife who looking for someone to fight alongside her, a real comrade in arms and a place of peace to return to. Aries and feminist icon Gloria Steinem once argued, “You become a semi-nonperson when you got married,” but several decades and a few social strides later Steinem made the move towards matrimony with a fellow activist. Emblematic of her sun sign, she described the union and her change of heart as, “Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner, it feels limitless, not limited.” Naturally, Steinem expunged the words husband, wife and obey from the ceremony.
TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)
The Taurus wife is into sharing food and resources and loyal to a fault, looking at you Tammy “Stand By Your Man” Wynette. Yet, their devotion is not without its edges, not for nothing Judy “I Want a Wife” Brady was a bull. This woman may stay the course but will certainly make their mate pay the price and suffer the cold shoulder consequences of any imbalance or infraction. We see this energy alive and well in Taurus Housewife Drew Sidora whose husband Ralph Pittman has been the subject of cheating allegations and even the odd gay rumor. Yet, Sidora is hanging in and holding court in couple’s therapy. As she admits of her man, “He’s not always going to be perfect … [but] we both married to stay together forever.” In it FOR-EV-ER, for better or worse.
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 20)
Geminis are independent and excitable, they run hot and cold and are generally in no great rush to marry. In the beginning, their prospective partner is the most fascinating creature they have ever met, when the high wears off they are left looking for another source of dopamine be it a lover, a home shopping network addiction, a book, or a conspiracy theory. For this reason it is absolutely crucial that the terminally indecisive Gemini settle on the right one if they settle at all.
Yet, when Gemini finds their twin and the ability to suspend the “I” for the proverbial “us” they make for unparalleled partners, evidenced by Gemini Nicole Kidman’s approach to marriage with Keith Urban, “I think it’s knowing that you have to keep contributing to what we call the ‘us.’ You go, ‘Does this work for us?’ When you make an us, it’s yours together. That’s what you create. Nobody else has that. It’s just between the two of you.”
CANCER (JUNE 21 – JULY 22):
Cancer represents the archetype of the mother and rules the fourth house of home and ancestry, as such Cancer wives are deeply invested in their home life and primary partnerships, willing to go above and beyond to create, maintain and defend their families. It’s a fine line or crab walk for the Cancer wife; they are enriched by their commitments to others but also run the risk of swerving full on into the martyr lane, saddling themselves with too much and feeling burned out and resentful.
An example of a home bound, family first Cancer wife is crab queen Gisele Bündchen who scaled back her modeling career to be a full tilt mom and permanent plus one to Tom Brady. As she revealed to “Elle Magazine,” “I’ve done my part, which is to] be there for [Tom]. I moved to Boston, and I focused on creating a cocoon and a loving environment for my children to grow up in and to be there supporting him and his dreams. Seeing my children succeed and become the beautiful little humans that they are, seeing him succeed, and being fulfilled in his career—it makes me happy. At this point in my life, I feel like I’ve done a good job on that.”
LEO (JULY 23 – AUGUST 22)
Leo rules the heart and leads with it, and they see a wedding as more of coronation than a commitment. The Leo wife is excellent at PR and doesn’t mind supporting and elevating their partner, encouraging them to pursue wild dreams and grand schemes. The trade off is that said partner must be prepared to treat her like the royalty she knows herself to be; think exhaustive levels of attention, affection and praise.
She will also view any success he/she/they enjoy as an extension of herself and regal influence. Marriage loses its luster for a Leo if/when she is treated like she’s ordinary. The Leo wife is here for worship but not the ho hum of convention. Case in point, twice married and twice divorced Madonna who has said of the institution, “On the one hand, the idea of marriage and the sort of traditional family life repulses me. But on the other hand, I long for it, you know what I mean?” We do queen, we do.
VIRGO (AUGUST 23 – SEPTEMBER 22)
Virgo rules the sixth house of service and Virgo wives are a devoted lot that more often than not know how to care for others better than they care for themselves. Virgo rules the guts and fittingly they respond from a place of instinct and in their healthiest expressions, work hard to keep themselves and the ones they love physically in tune. Virgos trade in cures not coddling, responding to need but never neediness. Mutable as they are, a Virgo wife may forgive but will never forget and neither will their partners when they make like Beyoncé who released an entire concept album and accompanying short film inspired by her husband’s infidelity and won a Grammy for her efforts, proving that success is the best revenge and dirty laundry is better aired than dry cleaned.
LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 – OCTOBER 22)
While they may loathe vacuuming the Libra wife is adept at sweeping things under the rug until they reach critical mass at which point they may make like Libra Cardi B and file for divorce, not to end the relationship but to teach their partner “a f***ing lesson.” Bless up, balance out. Libra is represented by the scales and balances and natives prefer partnership as they need to be activated by another person. Keepers of both score and the status quo, they don’t mind fulfilling a traditional role so long as they’re praised for their efforts and their significant other is equally steadfast about stepping up. We see this dynamic expressed in OG Libra wives Kelly Ripa and Linda McCartney.
SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21)
A Scorpio takes nothing lightly, not least of all the sacred covenant of marriage. The Scorpio wife seeks to merge assets and souls with their beloved and is oft plagued by jealousy and suspicion. Scorpios are always waiting for the other shoe to drop and fear that their partner will leave them or love them less. For the Scorpio wife, nothing but depth of feeling and deep devotion will do. For serious and seriously dark Scorpio wife vibes, consider the chilling poem “The Jailer” by Sylvia Plath whose love for and betrayal by her husband Ted Hughes, led to her suicide
SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 – DECEMBER 21)
A Sagittarius wife is fun loving, loud laughing and prone to let the good times roll. She also needs to feel free more than she feels beholden. Whether it’s a three month out of country assignment or pretending to be someone else at a bar, there’s a real emphasis on freedom and spontaniety. As archer Chrissy Teigen, wife of John Legend recommends, “Travel away from each other a lot—that helps. We’re not together 365. It’s nice to be able to really be like, ‘Oh my gosh, I miss you. I miss you so much.’ That works for both of us.” This ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder and the archer grow sweeter’ vibe is also present in the long standing union of Robin Roberts and Amber Laign, who choose not to live together and credit the separateness for the success of their partnership.
CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 – JANUARY 19)
A Capricorn understands ROI more than any other sign and they apply the principle to marriage. These are long haul lovers who view their partners as supportive but not foundational elements in their respective empires. While they do not fear commitment, they fear committing to an unsustainable pursuit and for a Cap wife, the longer the relationship lasts, the deeper they go and present they become, a modality seen in designer, twice married sea goat and wrap dress inventor Diane Von Furstenberg who revealed the trajectory of lasting love to Harper’s Bazaar, “The first thing about love is that you have to love yourself.
No relationship will work unless you do. You have to be hard on yourself, demanding of yourself, but you have to like yourself. You can’t be needy…Love is about the attraction, and then there’s the passion, and then there’s the complexity, and then there’s the partnership. It evolves. It starts with passion, and then passion becomes complexity, which also becomes friendship, and then it’s the years, the years, the years.”
AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 – FEBRUARY 18)
An Aquarius wife is interesting if not always emotionally available or physically present. This is a space cowgirl who is allegiant to her own weirdness and time schedule and she probably doesn’t have time for your insecurities or bowling league. Independent in thought, action and often times finances, water bearers are in for marriage if it’s a non traditional ride that prioritizes freedom and the pursuit of individual purpose.
We see this expressed in Oprah who views her long time relationship with Stedman Graham as a “spiritual partnership” that allows them to preserve their identities. She recalls of his marriage proposal in the early 90’s, “I realized I didn’t actually want a marriage. I wanted to be asked. I wanted to know he felt I was worthy of being his missus, but I didn’t want the sacrifices, the compromises, the day-in-day-out commitment required to make a marriage work. My life with the show was my priority, and we both knew it.”
PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20)
Pisces is the uncontested romantic of the zodiac and primed to buy into the fairy tale hook, line and poison apple. As wives, Pisces women are something of fairy tale creatures themselves, whimsical AF they make a space feel like a spiritual retreat and their beloved like a venerable prince/princess/demigod. It’s a no for me but y’all do you. The only tax they levy on their partners is consistent and at points exhausting levels of communication. As Jessica Biel, wife to Aquarius weirdo Justin Timberlake attests, the secret to a solid union is, “Communication, communication, communication. The ability to be really honest about how you’re feeling and what your needs are. Just be able to communicate really honestly with your partner. That’s worked for us so far.”
Astrology 101: Your guide to the star
- The 12 zodiac signs
- What are the astrology houses
- Here’s what each planet represents
- Sun, moon and rising signs: Get to know your Big 3
Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.
